The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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