I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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