man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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