talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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