He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
