we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
