I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
