my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
