masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
