I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
