Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
