can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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