I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well you can't waste a boner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
