I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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