just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
