you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
