There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize