For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
