Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
