You're completely useless in the revolution.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
