God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
