I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
