Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
