I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
