I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
