For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
