I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize