I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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