Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
