If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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