Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This house was built for laser tag.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
