I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
