I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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