I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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