Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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