You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
