Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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