Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I faked an abortion last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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