I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My Sexting was not on an AP level
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
