and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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