So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
