She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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