It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
