Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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