He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
