i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
