He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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