Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
