Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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