I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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