you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
