Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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