Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
