Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
