It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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