The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
