did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
