Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
