you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize