Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
