So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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