I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
