If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
