he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
