im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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